mystory

The following is a paper I wrote in 2003.   It chronicles a portion of my own healing journey as well
as providing a more in-depth exploration of BodyMind Counseling Hypnotherapy.

      I stood for a moment in the pouring rain, letting the old pick lie against my thigh as I caught my
breath. I looked at my muddy, blistered hands and then surveyed the patch of land that we monks
had marked off for a garden. We had recently purchased this old farm whose fields had not been
worked in decades. Now it was my job to plow this compacted, root-filled acre with only a pick.
Working a square foot at a time I would throw all my weight behind each blow. After several thuds
the ground would finally give. Then I would turn the soil and pull out a number of three-foot long
roots of some verminous weed whose French name I’ve forgotten. After glancing up at Fr. Marie-
Michel’s warmly lit room in the tower I again resigned myself and knelt down in the mud to grope
around for signs of my buried enemy. It was all a war; I fought the rain, the cold, the solid ground,
and the prodigious weeds. Blow after blow, struggling and fighting. Finally four o’clock arrived
and the bell began clanging. From the cold wet fields I entered the cold damp chapel and knelt on
the floor for an hour of silence. When I was not fighting my untamed thoughts I was resenting the
coughing or sniffling of the other monks. After the final prayers were finished at midnight, my
favorite moment of the day arrived. We all knelt in the candlelight as Fr. Marie-Michel passed
from one monk to the next and anointed us for sleep and for death. I can still feel his thumb as he
traced the cross on my forehead, his voice softly murmuring a blessing, and my nose luxuriating in
the calming odor of lavender oil.
      Day after day I watched as my few rows of tilled ground grew into a sizeable portion of
garden. The rain gradually gave way to the warmth of the sun and my inner world began to
change. In prayer, in sleep, and in the quiet slurping of my soup all I could see was broken clods
of dirt and crooked roots. It became pointless to fight it because this was my entire life spread
across one hard acre. I finally gave in. I began to take pleasure in watching the earth become soft
as it opened up under my constant blows. But these blows were no longer fueled by anger and
hatred, but by a sense of wonder and respect. The soil of Provence began to mix with the soil of
my soul. As I sat silently in the chapel I began tilling this soil as well. Hammering into hard places,
letting them become soft, and pulling out the weeds that were choking off my breath and my spirit.
My hands became seasoned and I no longer cried from the bloody tearing of blisters. Instead I
cried at the awesome gift of being able to till the earth by hand. In attempting to break the land
with sheer force of arm and will, the land broke me instead. My heart became softer with each
row that I turned. I fell in love with this acre of land. I came to know it inch by inch. And in knowing
the earth I came to know myself.
      When I left the monastery in mid-summer that acre of land had transformed into a pulsing
heart of overflowing abundance. I had never before valued things of the body or of the earth. But
my apprenticeship with the land allowed me to touch and hold the miracle of both.
      From the richness of France I moved to the sparsity of the Colorado desert. Every June we
had to reclaim our garden patch from the wind-blown sand. We purchased soil and brought it in
by the truckload. We tended our compost with tremendous care. In fact it was tradition that only
one of the senior monks could take on this most important of duties. We would then mix the soil,
the compost, and our donkey’s manure and carefully spread it into raised beds. After carefully
choosing seeds that would sprout at 8,000 feet and would withstand the glaring sun, we had to
then faithfully water them several times a day. For the two-and-a-half-month growing season all
we talked about was the garden. It was a heartening burst of green and color set in a landscape
of dunes and jagged mountains.
In this harsh landscape my relationship with my own body also became more intense and
conscious. I had to constantly replenish my body’s water supply. A large part of my daily activity
involved filling and hauling jugs of water from the bath-house to my hermitage. I also had to haul
blocks of ice for my small cooler in which I kept fruit and vegetables. Without a freezer,
microwave, or stove I also spent much more time preparing food. And without water I spent more
time cleaning dishes since I had to carry them to the main monastery. Another daily ritual was the
application of sunscreen. I had never before spent so much time on bodily up-keep.   In the winter
I spent my days splitting firewood and kindling as well as keeping a fire going. I had to learn to
stoke the fire just right so that at night I wouldn’t roast and in the morning I wouldn’t wake to find my
tea-water frozen. All of this made me respect my physical organism and its needs in a new way.
      In addition to the physical hardships were the psychological ones. We lived alone in separate
hermitages and we were in silence most of the time. During the first two months I had to struggle
to merely keep my sanity. My body saved me. When my mind was racing and there was no one
to talk to, nor any distractions for miles around, I realized that it was my body that would keep me
grounded and sane. As the horror of all my unfelt feelings clamored to the surface and screamed
for attention I felt like I would go under and drown. It was my body that kept me afloat. I learned to
breathe. I learned that I could breathe and sit through anything. I also learned to scream and to
cry and to writhe on the sandy floor. I had always considered my body to be my worst enemy, but
in the crucible of my hermitage it became a trusted friend and even a guide.
      One Sunday as we were seated around the table for brunch there was a retreatant who was
sharing with us his own personal journey of healing. He had been an emergency room doctor for
many years until he began to suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. He eventually quit. His
healing began when he read Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine. He realized that all of the trauma
he had witnessed and experienced in the emergency room had been stored in his body until his
nervous system became overloaded. He began following the trauma release exercises
described in Levine’s book and was able to allow his body to experience the release and healing
that are natural to our body’s inherent function. Levine writes:
I became convinced that the instinctual repertoire of the human organism includes a deep
biological knowing which, given the opportunity to do so, can and will guide the process of healing
trauma. (p.7)

He adds that:

Trauma sufferers tend to identify themselves as survivors, rather than as animals with an
instinctual power to heal…We must pay attention to our animal nature to find the instinctive
strategies needed to release us from trauma’s debilitating effects. (p.98)

While this former doctor spoke, I became aware that I was feeling very anxious. Instead of fighting
the anxiety, which had been my automatic response up to that point, I decided to simply feel it. As
I did so I found myself becoming calm and grounded. I felt very present in my body in a new way. I
realized in that moment that I could accept my experience simply for what it was rather than trying
to repress it or struggle against it.
      Immediately after brunch I checked out Levine’s book from our library and began a deeper
journey of trust with my body. I began to respect it and its profound wisdom even more. I
remember watching a cut on my hand miraculously heal before my eyes over the course of a
week. How did it do it? I was awed at the knowledge of healing that my body inherently
possesses and which my conscious mind plays no part in whatsoever. I understood then that my
body must be able to guide my spirit, emotions, and mind into deep healing just as easily as it had
healed that cut if I would simply begin listening to its directions and consciously participate in its
natural process. I began experimenting with diet, supplements, and exercise. I also began
working with my dreams while in meditation. My dreams became more vivid and revealing, and
my dreaming and waking life became integrated in a way I had not yet experienced. I also found a
book on breathwork and began practicing certain exercises on a daily basis. For the first two
weeks of practicing breathwork I had very powerful releases with every session. After breathing
deeply for several minutes I would begin crying and heaving. I was not able to pinpoint the release
to any particular experience or memory, but I simply trusted that my body knew what it was doing
and was releasing in the manner that it needed to.
I felt like I was finally getting somewhere, so I decided to make a four-day retreat at our lone
hermitage high up in the mountains. I had done so once before and had awakened in the middle
of the first night on the verge of a panic attack; it was the first time I had ever experienced one.
Because of it I chose to spend my entire time up there reading and hiking hard, thereby distracting
myself. On this second retreat however, I felt prepared to feel whatever feelings might come up. I
felt anxious all four days, but I spent several hours each day simply doing breathwork. I read very
little, and the hikes that I took were short and relaxing.
The fourth day arrived and I hadn’t had any profound experiences or releases. After packing up to
head back down the mountain I decided to do one more breathwork session. I chose to feel and
be present with the feeling of anxiety as much as possible. After just a few breaths I was flooded
with a cacophony of memories of deeply wounding experiences. The pain was so great that I
flipped over onto my knees and grabbed a pot because I was certain I was going to vomit. This
nausea was immediately accompanied by the terrifying thought that if I began vomiting from
emotional pain I would never stop. I had never felt such pain before. It was the pain of
unexpressed emotions which I had repressed for many years. In that moment I understood why
people drink and do drugs. Who can bear to feel such pain! And yet I did feel it. And I did not
vomit; nor did I die. Wave after wave of excruciating pain washed over me and eventually I was
able to cry and scream from the bottom of my gut. Two hours later I walked down the mountain
feeling much lighter and more connected with myself and my body—with my body as myself.
After that experience I found that the unease and anxiety that I always felt when I was in my
hermitage became less pervasive and insistent. I also found myself sinking more into my body
and into an awareness of my body. I found that my meditation was also changing. I was able to
sink more deeply into meditation, passing more quickly through resistances as I accepted myself
and my experiences more and more. For the first time I caught a taste of what it is like to feel at
home with oneself. I came to understand that anxiety comes from not feeling at home with oneself,
as a result of fearing one’s authentic feelings and experiences. Of course we feel anxious if we
can’t stand our own company; the person we feel least comfortable around (because that person
knows us so well) is there with us all the time! If we are afraid of knowing ourselves and our
experiences then we are the worst possible company we could have. Since there is no way to
hide, then we must either find a way of numbing our feelings or we must seek help and
authenticity. I chose the latter.
In meditation I continued going very deep, but at a certain depth I would come up against a dark
and impenetrable wall. This happened continuously. I had done all that my body and dreams had
directed me to do. I now knew that I could go no deeper on my own. I knew that I needed the
assistance of others, and I knew that my body must be involved in an interactive therapy with
another human being. It was at that point that I realized it was time to leave the monastic life and
to begin exploring on my own. I returned home to Seattle. I had had a passion for bodywork for
several years, and now I knew that not only did I want to practice it for others, I needed it for
myself. After researching schools, I chose the BodyMind Academy because in their philosophy
and course listings I found everything that I was looking for. Even though I knew little about
hypnotherapy, I enthusiastically signed up for that program as well as the massage program. I
knew without a doubt that I must do both, and knew as well that the combination of the two would
provide me with what I was looking for. When I proposed my final project to Tom Johnston,
director of the school, he replied that I would create for others what I had been seeking for myself.
I would find my own healing in making this my life’s work.
It was with this very personal intention and passion that I set forth on this final project, which is only
the beginning step of a much larger life project. I used Tom Johnston’s three volumes on
BodyMind Counseling Hypnotherapy (hereafter referred to as BMCH), Peter Levine’s Waking the
Tiger, John Barnes’ Healing Ancient Wounds, and two articles by Nick Ardagh, as well as my own
intuition, as my primary inspiration for this work of combining hypnotherapy and massage. I knew I
wanted to combine the two, but there appears to be very little currently written on the subject, so I
wasn’t sure exactly where to start or how to proceed. The fire in me was primed, but I now needed
some wood to stoke it. The first piece that got me going was a passage in Book 2 of Johnston’s
work on BMCH. In the section on “Treating Physical Symptoms” he writes,
Treating physical symptoms with BodyMind Counseling Hypnotherapy means that you will be
talking in trance directly with physical symptoms, emotions, body parts, tissues, organs, cells and
disease processes AS INNER CHARACTERS and mobilizing the physical systems (for example,
the immune system) and inner resources that can activate and accelerate the healing process...
Remember that the base brain that is activated through the process of BMCH is very powerful.
Suggestion can unlock amazing healing power. Using imagery and soothing suggestions that are
the language of the base brain are important keys to accessing its power for healing. The inner
character that is in touch with all physical development and symptoms is the inner child. If a body
part, organ or system feels unheard, ignored or neglected, or if the inner child him/her self feels
neglected or abused and can't get a message through to anyone who will listen, a symptom or
syndrome can be created in order to get a message to the inner adult. Such messages usually
say things like: "Pay attention to me! I am hurting! Or Stop killing me!" Messages usually have to
do with ways of nurturing the body and the inner child. Messages that symptoms and diseases
convey have to do with the necessity and urgency of making lifestyle changes. (p. 216)

      The approach described by Johnston in this passage was of seminal importance to me. I had
come to know that there could be communication between my body and my conscious mind, but
thus far it had seemed to be by means of a shared language that was somewhat unfamiliar to both
parties. Dreams seemed to me to be the most direct link between the two, but dreams had the
disadvantage of not being able to be controlled or consciously used as a means of
communication. When I read that in trance we are able to directly communicate with our bodies in
the language of our conscious mind I felt a world of possibilities open up. I knew that this insight
would become a key to combining hypnotherapy and bodywork.
      I began by experimenting in my own self-hypnotherapy sessions. In my first experiment I
inducted myself into alpha state and then asked my body if it had anything it wanted to tell me.
The immediate response from my body was an angry one. "You never listen to me! Why should I
think that you're going to listen to me now?" I apologized and told my body that I truly desire to
learn to listen to it now. I also told my body that I have already been trying to listen and take care
of it better. I reminded it that in the last year I have radically changed my diet by eating very little
meat, eating more fruits and vegetables, cutting out sugar, drinking more water, and introducing
many supplements. I have also given it bodywork. After this initial outburst my body completely
changed its tone to one of reassurance and love. I saw that no matter how I have treated my body,
no matter how much I have viewed it with mistrust, disgust, and loathing, my body has done
nothing but love me. I was amazed to find that the most palpable, tangible example of
unconditional love lies within my very own body! Following from this initial session, a new
relationship of mutual respect, and direct, continuous dialogue was established with my body.
      In another, serendipitous, session I was able for the first time to combine hypnotherapy and
massage in the manner that I was hoping to. The session occurred while I was doing a massage
exchange. In class we had received an introduction to Myofascial Release (MFR), a therapy
developed by John Barnes. In his book Healing Ancient Wounds, Barnes describes fascia in the
following manner:
Fascia is an incredible tough connective tissue that spreads throughout the body in a three-
dimensional web… the fascia serves a vital function in that it permits the body to maintain its
normal shape and thus keep all of the body's life functions intact. Fascia supports, protects,
envelops, and becomes part of the muscles, bones, nerves, organs, and blood vessels, from the
largest structures right down to the cellular level. When all is well, the body functions
harmoniously. When injuries occur, however, the fascia has the ability to reorganize along the
lines of tension imposed on the body. Physical trauma from injury, accident, or unresolved
restrictions from the birthing process all can cause the fascia to tighten down in an involuntary
attempt to prevent the body from further harm. As an injury remains unresolved, the reorganization
of the fascia becomes more pronounced. With prolonged imposition of abnormal stresses, the
fascia will tighten, forming new strain patterns. These new patterns add support to the body's
misalignment, creating a vicious cycle of dysfunction. This process has the ability to alter tissue
and organ function significantly. Fascial strains slowly tighten, causing the body to lose its normal
ability to act and react to its environment. This tightness, over time, spreads like a pull in a
sweater, causing a reorganization of the fibers and twisting their shape. Flexibility and
spontaneity of motion are lost, making the body vulnerable to even more trauma, pain, and
limitation of movement. (p. 18-19)

Barnes goes on to describe how these fascial strains are not only created by physical trauma, but
by emotional trauma as well. He describes how emotional trauma and memories are held within
the fascia itself and form part of the fascial restriction. He writes:
The myofascial system allows the mind to let go of subconscious holding patterns. My experience
has shown that during periods of trauma, people form subconscious indelible imprints of the
experiences that have high levels of emotional content. The body can hold information below the
conscious level, as a protective mechanism, so that memories tend to become disassociated or
amnesiac. This is called memory dissociation, or reversible amnesia. The memories are state-
dependent (or position-dependent) and can therefore be retrieved when the person is in a
particular state (or position). This information is not available in the normal conscious state; the
body's protective mechanisms keep us away from positions that our mind-body awareness
construes as painful or traumatic. It has been demonstrated consistently that when a myofascial
release technique takes the tissue to a significant position three dimensionally in space, the
tissue not only changes and improves, but memories, associated emotional states, and belief
systems rise to the conscious level. This awareness, through the positional reproduction of a past
event or trauma, allows the individual to grasp the previously hidden information that may be
creating or maintaining symptoms or behavior that deter improvement. (p. 34)

He adds that:

It's really hard for us all to face our fear. We run from it. We were taught to run from it. We were
taught not to feel anything. When our fears start to surface, it's a little scary. But I'll tell you, what's
really scary is not getting in touch with it! This is what distorts your life and your behavior, and it's
what creates disease. Myofascial unwinding is never injurious. You will go through various
aspects of tissue memory, and what you will hear from your patients all the time is, "I’d thought I
already dealt with that." Well, they probably had, at least on the intellectual level. We are all good
at that, but it's not enough. A complete resolution will only occur once you feel the emotions that
were associated with that person or event, and release all of those stored memories. Time
doesn't take care of the emotional wounds; it covers them up with fascial adaptive layer upon
fascial adaptive layer. This is why over time we all solidify and all of these physical symptoms
manifest themselves. (p. 42)

      In these passages Barnes illustrates how trauma, both physical and emotional, becomes
frozen in our bodies via the fascial system. In the fascia, our physical, emotional, and mental
beings are united, becoming one substance. In Waking the Tiger, Peter Levine also eloquently
describes the process of how trauma becomes frozen in our bodies. He speaks of the traditional
responses to danger which are often described as ‘fight or flight.’ He adds, however, that there is
in fact a third physiological response which is commonly overlooked. This response is the ‘freeze
response’ whereby an animal or person will freeze in the face of danger, in the hope that the
danger will pass. It is this latter response which, when undischarged, leads to prolonged and
increasingly severe traumatic symptoms. Levine observes that:
When fight and flight responses are thwarted, the organism instinctively constricts as it moves
toward its last option, the freezing response. As it constricts, the energy that would have been
discharged by executing the fight or flight strategies is amplified and bound up in the nervous
system. In this emotional and anxious state, the now-frustrated fight response erupts into rage; the
frustrated flight response gives way to helplessness... If the organism is able to discharge the
energy by fleeing or defending itself and thus resolve the threat, trauma will not occur. Another
possible scenario is that constriction will continue until the rage, terror, and helplessness have
built up to a level of activation that overwhelms the nervous system. At this point, immobility will
take over and the individual will either freeze or collapse. What happens then is that the intense,
frozen energy, instead of discharging, gets bound up with the overwhelming, highly activated,
emotional states of terror, rage, and helplessness. (p. 99-100)

He further states that:

A threatened human (or impala) must discharge all the energy immobilized to negotiate that threat
or it will become a victim of trauma. This residual energy does not simply go away. It persists in
the body, and often forces the formation of a wide variety of symptoms e.g., anxiety, depression,
and psychosomatic and behavioral problems. The symptoms are the organism’s way of
containing (or corralling) the undischarged residual energy. (p. 20)

      Barnes, Levine, and Johnston all speak of the unity of body, mind, and emotions. They also
speak of the necessity of addressing this unity in order for a therapeutic approach to be truly
effective and lasting. Barnes speaks of bringing the body back to the specific position in which it
experienced trauma, to allow the tissue memory to resurface and then allow movement to enter
the body where the fascia had become frozen in place by the trauma itself and by the fear of re-
experiencing the same or similar trauma. Levine observes that if our organism chooses the
freeze response over the fight or flight responses, then the energy that was marshaled in response
to the threat will become lodged in our body. If this energy is not released by trembling, shaking,
or some other energy-release activity, then this undischarged energy will lead to severe
psychosomatic symptoms. Like Barnes, he is advocating movement and energy-flow where
energy and the bodymind have become frozen in place. Similarly, Johnston speaks of emotions
as energy that is in motion. However, this energy can become frozen. He writes that:
Through learning, even the fight/flight response can come under the control of the rational part of
the brain (the neo-cortex). This is accomplished through many of the developmental stages of
childhood and is an amazing achievement, essential to maturity. The rational control of emotions,
however, can be carried too far into the realm of complete suppression. This is unhealthy and
leads to projection (blaming) and abuse…Instead of learning the importance and value of their
emotions, most children are taught that their emotions are wrong and bad and must be
suppressed. When a child learns to suppress emotions in order to survive in an atmosphere
where some or all emotions are taboo, physical and relationship problems almost always result.
(BMCH, Book 1, p. 129)

Johnston further describes a four-step approach to emotional healing in which a person allows
their feelings to be in their body, allows them to intensify in their body, allows their feelings to move
out of their body, and finally allows themselves to let their feelings go. (Book 1, p. 136) Like
Barnes and Levine, Johnston claims that, “Because the deepest instincts of the BodyMind (the
physical responses, the base brain and the limbic system) naturally move toward healing, when
the body senses a safe place to release emotions that are held in the tissues, it will do so.” (Book
1, p. 134)
This bodymind approach is what I experienced while doing a myofascial release exchange with a
fellow student in class. During the session, when I was the receiver, I was able to combine
hypnotherapy with the MFR (Myofascial Release) that was being practiced on me in order to
enhance the healing effects of both therapies. The exchange began with me in the role of
practicing MFR on a fellow student. As I concentrated on her fascia, I felt my hands sink into it as
it became fluid and began to move. This subtle focusing and becoming in-tune with my partner's
fascia was a very effective induction into trance for me. After an hour of this induction I was in a
very good place to do some deep inner work.
At the moment that we switched, it turned out that another student asked to join our group. One
student began doing myofascial work on my abdomen, and the other worked on my neck. After
about 10 minutes I began to feel strong emotion. I realized that anger was coming up. I asked
myself what the anger was about. My immediate reply was that I didn't want anyone touching me.
I didn't want anyone helping me. I didn't want to be weak. I didn't want to need anyone. I wanted
to be strong, independent, and self-sufficient. I wanted to be able to do all my healing on my own
without anyone's assistance. It felt like it offended me to the core that I needed anyone else's
help. I realized immediately that a dysfunctional core belief was speaking to me: a core belief that
I am self-sufficient and strong, that I don't need anyone else, that it is a sign of weakness and utter
failure to rely on anyone else, and that I will only be deeply hurt if I do rely on anyone else.
As I felt this anger I kept repeating this dysfunctional core belief over and over as a means of
defending myself against healing, vulnerability, and love. I then realized what I was doing and
decided that if I could repeat a dysfunctional core belief over and over, then I could just as easily
repeat a functional core belief as a resonant suggestion which would move me in the direction of
healing. I thus began repeating to myself, "I need other people," "My healing involves other
people," "I am not self-sufficient," "I am letting go of my need to be self-sufficient," "I am letting go
of my defenses against healing and love."
At that moment I began to feel a strong and deep emotion rising in my abdomen. I allowed it to
intensify and flow out with my breath. For several more minutes this feeling continued to intensify
until it began breaking out of me in sobs. I was then reminded of a recurring dream that I had had
in the last few years. In this dream I was pregnant, but as the labor began I would realize that as a
man I was not capable of giving birth. The dream would then intensify as I felt the terror of the
physical implications of having to give birth without any outer passageway. In that terror I would
realize that my abdomen would burst and I would die.
As I lay on the massage table I suddenly felt like I was back in the dreams and was about to give
birth. In that moment the dreams became clear. I realized that for years I had been guarding and
constricting my abdomen as a means of guarding and constricting myself. I had been afraid that if
I were to let my true self out into the world it would be rejected. So I kept myself hidden inside of
me. Over time I was having to apply more and more pressure and constriction to keep myself in.
But the restriction was killing me. This constant pressure to constrict and hide myself led to
depression and anxiety. But against the pressure of my conscious and fearful mind, the primal
urge of my true self to be borne into the world had been mounting an even stronger pressure from
the inside out. After a strong emotion release I gave myself the posthypnotic suggestions: "I am
giving birth to myself," "My true self is being borne in and through me," "I am letting go of the
pressure and the dike by which I have held myself back," "I thank my true self for his persistent
pressure in trying to break free into the world," "I welcome my true self into the world."
      I was excited by this experience because it powerfully confirmed the work I set out to do in my
final project, and which I want to do in my practice. In this session I was able to successfully
combine massage and hypnotherapy, and, in doing so, the effects of both were enhanced.
Through bodywork, and particularly myofascial release, I was able to contact and release long-
buried emotions and experiences. I then aided the process of emotion release by identifying
dysfunctional core beliefs and replacing them with functional core beliefs which I used as resonant
suggestions. Through this self-hypnotherapeutic work, combined with the massage, I was able to
let the emotional release come. Then, through the emotion release, I was able to go more deeply
inward and into trance, which led to my re-experiencing the dreams, which then further enhanced
the emotion release as well as my understanding of the psychic significance of it. Finally, I was
able to formulate posthypnotic suggestions to prepare myself for further emotion release in the
future, as well as the concomitant release and birth of my true self into the world.
      In working with clients my original idea had been to use hypnotherapy to allow the client to
dialogue with their body and find where they were holding tension, illness, or trauma. I planned to
then bring them out of trance and assist the release of that particular bodily dis-ease using
bodywork, particularly Swedish massage and Myofascial Release (MFR). Following the
bodywork I intended to then bring the client back into trance to complete the dialogue with the
body and find if the body had truly been able to release and let go of the illness or trauma. I found,
however, that when I was confronted with real people who were suffering from real problems I had
to listen to their particular needs rather than follow my curiosity in experimenting with a certain
theory or modality. My experiment became less a scientific test and more an organic response to
particular clients and their issues.
      In addition to the human factor which changed my proposed approach, I also came to learn
that there was a limiting factor of time. I found that a hypnotherapy session alone averages an
hour and a half. When I added bodywork to it then the session became two to three hours long.
After this length of time the client was generally emotionally spent and was not prepared to go
back into trance for the follow-up dialogue. One way I dealt with time limitation was to perform the
different steps of my proposed process over the course of two or more sessions. For example, I
might identify a body-related issue in a trance session, and then begin the following session with
bodywork, followed by more trancework.
      The other element that was necessary to address was the proper combination of the two
therapies in such a way that respected the uniqueness and sacredness of both. As a result, I set
up the therapeutic space by separating the hypnotherapy mat and the massage table with a
screen. In the initial interview I explained to the client that if their particular issues presented the
opportunity to combine hypnotherapy and bodywork then I would let them know that I saw a way of
beneficially doing so which could further facilitate their healing process. I explained that these two
therapies are separate and unique and that each has its own particular boundaries in place which
make them safe venues for healing to occur. I also explained that, as the client, they were
completely in control and could ask me to stop or change whatever I was doing. I further explained
that I would never touch the client while they were in trance, nor would I induct the client into trance
while they were receiving bodywork. In further separating the two therapies I explained that there
would be a very clear transition between the two: I would bring the client out of trance and, after the
integration, I would invite them to do bodywork. I would then exit the room while they undressed to
their level of comfort and got onto the massage table, having also covered themselves with the top
sheet. I would then knock on the door, and, when they were ready, I would begin bodywork.
Following the massage I would again leave the room while the client dressed. On my return I
would either finish the session with more integration or invite the client to do trancework.

THE CASE STUDIES
      My first case study was with a 22-year-old male who complained of low self-esteem, low self-
confidence, and feeling “blocked.” In the first session the client met his inner child and inner dad.
After lengthy dialogue he felt a strong connection with both. He felt supported and loved. In the
session integration the client expressed how beneficial it had been. He felt more in tune with
himself and had become aware of strong blocks in his throat (which he discerned to be a fear of
speaking his truth) and in his solar plexus (where he felt a blockage of his will and emotions). We
had run out of time for doing any bodywork so I suggested that we would begin the next session
with doing some myofascial release on his throat and abdomen.
      I began the second session by doing energywork and MFR on the client’s neck, chest, and
head. I chose to focus on these areas rather than on the abdomen since in the interview the client
spoke of how his throat and voice felt frozen. My intention was to attempt to open up his throat,
including his throat chakra, and get the energy moving so that the client would be primed for
speaking his truth in trance. After this work the client was very relaxed and already present to
himself and his inner world. He went very quickly into a deep trance. There was much more
emotion in this session than in the first one. He was able to cry as inner dad held little client. He
also went into an inner child rescue where he was able to yell at his abusers. In the third portion of
the session he discerned that “99/100ths of his energy and capabilities were stored in his
stomach” but that fear was blocking this energy. Through dialogue with his inner healer he
discovered what this fear was and what steps he could take to engage with the fear and begin
utilizing some of the blocked energy.
      In the third session I knew that we needed to contact the repressed fear and, I suspected,
anger which were blocking the client from feeling and manifesting his power which he knew to be
buried inside of him. Since in the interviews the client had not yet revealed any emotions or
emotional topics I decided to dig until I could find some. After a lengthy interview the client finally
revealed that his father had suffered a paralyzing accident when the client was 5. He told me that
he had become violently angry, and had even attempted to strangle another child. He was sent to
an anger management therapist where he was taught to repress his anger. I knew we had finally
hit the core issue. The client had experienced rage over his father’s accident and the resulting
“loss” of a father in many ways. Instinctively he knew that what he needed was to safely express
his anger; he asked for a punching bag. His anger was not understood or encouraged however,
and so it was repressed until it exploded violently when another student was making fun of him.
Through that experience the client learned to fear his anger and his power, a fear which was
further reinforced by the “management” therapy that he underwent. Now, in the present, the client
is repressing his fear which serves to repress his anger, which when repressed, effectively
represses his innate power which is integrally tied to his vital emotions.
I affirmed to the client that he had intuitively known exactly what he needed, and that if he had been
given a punching bag rather than therapy he would have experienced the healing he needed. I
told him that it was not too late however, and that he could now do what his inner world had been
asking of him back then. I sensed the anger rising in him so I suggested an anger release
exercise. I directed the client to beat his bed with a wooden cane. He had a very powerful
release that lasted about 10 to 15 minutes. During the release I gave him the resonant
suggestions that it was OK for him to feel all of his feelings, to allow them to rise up in his body
and intensify, and to release them; that he had a great need to feel and express all of his
emotions; and that the anger management therapy had only taught him how to suppress and
repress his anger. I coached him to yell, "I don't understand why this accident happened," "I need
to feel my anger," "I hate your stupid games; all you taught me to do was repress my anger." I
reminded him of the 99/100ths of his power that he felt was trapped in his abdomen. I told him to
go into that place, to feel his power, and to use that power to break down the walls that were
holding it in. After several minutes I began to feel that the client was becoming tired and I assured
him that he didn't need to express all of his anger right now, that there would be many more
opportunities.
After the release I asked the client how he felt. He said that he felt very good. He looked radiant
and centered in himself. I asked him if he had felt his power, and he firmly replied, "Yes!" I then
suggested that we further anchor the release, as well as his renewed connection with his freedom
and power, by doing MFR on his abdomen. As I worked the abdominal fascia I asked the client to
focus on that place of power inside him: to focus on that power that he had just experienced and
felt and had released from its prison. I performed MFR for about 25 minutes. When I finish I
asked the client how he was doing. He said that he was doing well but that he felt like he had just
gotten back from the gym. I affirmed that he had done good work. He admitted to me that he had
been afraid to come to the session. He was afraid to experience what might come up. I told him
that it is indeed frightening to change a lifetime of behavior. I told him that he had become
invested in repressing his anger and true emotions, and that a challenge to such inbred
investments is indeed anxiety-producing. He replied that it was a "gutsy" thing that he had done. I
laughed and told him that "gutsy" was the perfect word; he is going into his guts and freeing the
treasure that has been locked there.
      In the fourth and final session with this client I witnessed the fruition of the work we had done
and the integration of the client’s inner world. Whereas the third session had been one of pure
anger expression and release, in this final session the client was able to combine emotion
release with cognitive process, as well as direct action in his inner world, thereby integrating
emotion with thought, understanding, and action. I did a regression where I took the client back to
the first time he felt overwhelmed by fear. He returned to a scene at school where he had stepped
into a gang’s territory. Three kids stood up and blocked his path. He turned around and walked
away, feeling shamed, humiliated, and powerless. I instructed him to call adult client and inner
dad and mom to be with him and to approach those kids again. I suggested that he do what he
had wanted to do back then. He punched the first kid in the face and watched him fall to the
ground. He kicked the second kid in the stomach and also watched him fall to the ground. Then
he turned to the third kid and said, "Do you want some of this too?" I was shocked when I heard
these words come out of his mouth. He sounded like a completely different person. His voice
had changed dramatically. It was full of strength, confidence, and power. Inner dad and adult
client said that they were proud of 13-year-old client. Inner mom affirmed his self-confidence. I
then asked 13-year-old client to feel this new power coursing through his body. Then I asked him
to place his hands on adult client's stomach and to allow that power to flow into adult client's body
as well. Adult client was amazed to feel this power and strength flowing through his whole body.
I then asked the three of them to return to the conference room. They took their seats, and 15-
year-old client appeared. His input was that the client's anger over his father's accident was
justified. I then called five-year-old client to come to the conference room. After some dialogue I
asked 13-year-old client to place his hands on five-year-old client's stomach and to allow his
confidence and power of self expression to flow into five-year-old client as well.
I then did an inner child rescue and brought him back to the moment when he first saw his father in
the hospital after the accident. He described seeing his father with many tubes coming out of
him. He described feeling the hugeness of life breaking in on him, and he immediately felt a
whirlwind of feelings: fear, confusion, and anger. I asked him to call adult client and inner parents
to be there with him, and then I encouraged him to feel all of his feelings with the safety and
support of his inner family. I asked him what he had decided about himself as a result of that
experience. He had decided that life is scary, that he was helpless in the face of life and its
suffering and pain, and that he was helpless to help his external dad who should be the strong one
in his life. I gave the client the screaming pillow and suggested that he yell, "I don't understand!"
He began yelling it over and over and had a powerful emotion release. He also yelled, "This
doesn't make sense!", and, "I want a dad!" Inner dad then hugged and reassured five-year-old
client and told him that he loves him and is always there for him.
I then asked five-year-old client what he was feeling toward external dad as he stood by the
bedside. He replied that he sensed that external dad didn’t want him there; he felt rejected.
External dad replied that he only wanted to protect five-year-old client from seeing his pain and
brokenness. They were then able to express their love for one another. I asked external dad what
he wanted from five-year-old client. He replied, "Communication." Little client responded that he
wanted this too. I asked external dad if he would like to receive a neck and shoulder massage
from adult client. He replied that he would like it very much. I then asked adult client if he would
like to give his dad a massage. He replied that he would. Adult client began giving a neck and
shoulder massage to his external dad. There was great love that flowed between them. I then
asked little client if he would like to join adult client in giving external dad a massage. He replied
that he would, so I asked him to get a chair and stand on it and massage one shoulder while adult
client massage the other. There was a profound moment of bonding and love between these
three characters. I then asked all of them to return to the conference room.
After some dialogue among the characters I asked little client how he was feeling. He reported
that he felt a coming together of all of the characters; he felt a cohesiveness and support that he
had not felt before. In the return from trance I gave the posthypnotic suggestions that 13-year-old
client had felt his confidence and power as he expressed his true feelings and defended himself,
and that he had shared this power with adult client and five-year-old client as well; that five-year-
old client had felt and expressed his true feelings of fear, anger, and confusion, and that in doing
so he had then received the support and love of inner dad and external dad, and that he had found
that in place of his helplessness he had indeed been able to help external dad by giving him a
massage. The client learned that there is action he can take in the face of fear and
incomprehensible suffering.
With this first case study my intention was to begin experimenting with the combination of
bodywork and hypnotherapy. I wanted to use massage as a way of facilitating contact between
the client’s mind and thought process and the emotions and memories stored in his body. Since
the client did not present with any physical problems, my focus was not to heal bodily ills. Rather I
sensed that this client was overly identified with his mind and spirit and that in order to experience
healing he would need to enter into his body. As a result, I did not do treatment massage per se;
rather I merely wanted to “invite” the client into bodily awareness by placing my hands and doing
light MFR and energywork. While in trance, during the first session, the client became aware that
there were energetic and emotional blocks in his throat and abdomen. This was exactly the sort
of diagnosis I was hoping to achieve by using trancework. Beginning in the second session I was
able to focus on releasing the tension and opening up the energetic blocks in the client’s throat.
During the ensuing session the client was able to experience his first emotion release.
The third session was a powerful combination of a counseling session and an emotion release
session in which the client was able to pinpoint the original trauma and express the deep
emotions arising from that trauma which had been repressed for many years.   I am fascinated by
the body’s ability to remember and hold the truth which the conscious mind is afraid to look at. As
Johnston observes, the body does not lie. If it is allowed to speak, it will tell the truth: a truth which
it has been holding until the moment when the mind is prepared to receive it. Johnston explains
that in anger release exercises if you begin to physically express an emotion that you’ve been
repressing, even if you aren’t aware of feeling that emotion in the present, then the body will take
that invitation and release what it has been holding on to.
In the case of my client, I was aware that he was holding anger even though he didn’t feel it. I
invited him to do the anger release exercise and he initially felt uncomfortable, but after a few
swings of the cane his body took over. Having entered into his inner world through his body, the
client was in a form of trance and a wave of rage that had lay crouching in his stomach for years
was unleashed. After the emotion release I wanted to further the release of any residual holding in
the clients’ fascia by doing MFR on his abdomen. I also wanted to bring the clients’ awareness to
that spot which had been blocked and which was now free. I wanted him to become bodily and
consciously aware of what that freedom feels like so that in the future he can choose that
bodymind behavior pattern over the old one of repressing his feelings and his truth.
It was amazing after this session to see the change in the client. He normally presents as
someone who is in control, even frozen. But after this session he manifested a new fluidity and
expressiveness. He exuded joy, and even playfulness.
In my next two case studies I used bodywork not only to increase body awareness, but to address
specific physical ailments as well as the psychological elements expressed in them. In my
research I found one practitioner who is combining trancework and massage in a very specific
and directed way. In his article “Alchemical Hypnotherapy for the Bodyworker,” Nick Ardagh
describes the experience that led him to the desire to combine these two therapies. He writes:
[Massage] can be very fulfilling; tight muscles relax, pains disappear, headaches dissolve, people
feel better. However, some force within the client often brings tensions and imbalances back
again. The important question for me is, what creates the problem in the body and what recreates
it again? Over the years I have become increasingly convinced that our tension, postural
imbalances, aches and pains and weak joints, originate in our subconscious fears, attitudes and
feelings. If the subconscious is not addressed and directly worked with, the discomfort in the body
will be recreated from within, in the same or similar form, as fast as we can heal it. (My emphasis
added) As a bodyworker, since I want to provide real and lasting service, I feel it is essential to
have the understanding and tools to work with the causes of physical imbalance in the
subconscious mind.

In a second article entitled, “Alchemical Bodywork: The Sacred Marriage,” Ardagh further explains
his theory behind the efficacy of combining these two therapies. He writes:
To a large degree, we accumulate tension in parts of the body in order to cut off feelings. At
certain critical moments in our lives, we've been faced with choices: whether to feel, to contain
uncomfortable, seemingly dangerous feelings; or, to numb ourselves through tension… At crucial
moments, often in childhood, we have subconsciously chosen these holding patterns in order to
safeguard ourselves from overpowering feelings which seem to threaten our very survival.
Through Alchemical Bodywork [Ardagh’s term for the combination of Alchemical Hypnotherapy
and massage], we give the patterns of tension a new context within the subconscious mind, from a
necessary defense to an outdated inconvenience. Instead of imposing new postural patterns
upon the client’s possibly unwilling body, we first must make it safe in the subconscious world for
the client to let go, and only then we utilize techniques with our hands to release holding patterns.

It was with this same intention that I began working with my next two case studies. I desired to use
trancework to uncover and release the psychological trauma and frozen emotions that were bound
up in the clients’ bodily tensions. And, following the release experienced in trance, I then intended
to further the release and anchor it in the body by doing massage on the affected area(s).
My second case study was with a 30-year-old female. In our second session she complained of a
pain in her neck. She reported that the pain had begun five months previous. It began when she
hit her head on a slanted ceiling. During that same week she had also slept on her stomach with
her head turned to the right. She woke up with a “kink” in her neck. Since it turned out to be a very
stressful week, the client felt like the kink in her neck had become frozen in place. During the
interview the client also spoke of a situation from earlier in the day which had made her angry. I
asked the client what she was feeling in her body as she remembered that encounter. She
replied that she felt a twitching in her neck. She felt anger and fear there as well.
Initially, as with the first client, I intended to use bodywork to allow the client to come into her body
and become aware of what was being held there. I began the second session by placing my
hands on the right side of her neck where she was feeling anger and fear. I encouraged her that
her feelings had important messages for her and that she could now safely focus on feeling them
and allowing them to intensify in her body. I did some MFR on her neck as well. The client
experienced a strong emotion release, and I explained to her the difference between legitimate
anger expression and anger repression. In the trancework that proceeded, she was able to return
to the conversation from earlier in the day and replay it from a place of centeredness. She was
able to change the conversation and reach a resolution with the other party.
In the post-trance integration the client reported how good and clarifying it felt to be able to replay
the prior conversation without the feeling of panic. While in trance she had felt empowered to say
the things she really wanted to say without hiding or projecting. I added that people are always
replaying hurtful conversations while never getting anywhere, except to feel worse and more set in
their position. In trance, on the other hand, one is open to greater resources and is able to see
healing solutions that were not apparent before. I affirmed to the client that as she became more
comfortable with her feelings and her inner world she would be able to have conversations in daily
life like the one she had while in trance.
In the third session I led the client to a Conference Room where she met all the inner characters
who had anything to say about the pain in the right side of her neck. One of the characters was
the Ambassador of [Her] Feelings. He explained that the client was feeling stuck between a rock
and a hard place. He explained to her that she needed to be like oil on water, like a drop of oil on
the ocean. The client began crying and it was obvious that this image was deeply consoling for
her. Another character that appeared was the client’s great great aunt Patrizio. She very tenderly
let the client know that she could slow down and take care of herself.
The client’s inner child then appeared and expressed fear that she would be forgotten and
abandoned as the adult client moved into her professional life. After some dialogue they came to
an agreement that they would take a long walk together at least once a week. I then asked
Patrizio and inner child to place their hands on adult client’s neck. I directed the client to feel the
healing energy that was pouring into her neck from these two powerful characters. After a few
moments I asked the client how she was feeling. She replied that the pain was slowly moving
from her neck and out the top of her head. I waited until the pain was completely gone, and then I
directed the client to focus on the place where the pain had been and to feel that place, now
vacated by pain, being filled and energized with love.
Next, I spoke to the client’s Neck and asked if the pain was indeed gone. It replied that it was. In
order to future pace and further anchor the departure of the pain from the client’s neck I directed
her to move one month into the future into a stressful situation. The client found herself beside her
car which had broken down. I asked her how she felt and what action she was going to take. She
replied that she realized that this was only a minor inconvenience and that all she had to do was
call the tow truck company and it would be taken care of. Little client was glad that it would take a
while for the tow truck to arrive since this would give her time to play in a neighboring field. I then
asked Neck what it was feeling. It said that the pain was hovering above it and trying to get back
in. I asked Neck what it needed in order to prevent the pain from returning. It replied, "I need to
move and be fluid." I suggested that little client show adult client how to dance in the field, to
dance freely and wildly and feel completely in her body. Little client was very happy to do so, and
adult client loved it too. At this point the client also physically stretched her right arm out and
moved it around a little. Levine explains that this sort of movement, while in session, is the body’s
means of releasing unused energy that has been activated in order to respond to a threat.
After bringing the client out of trance I did treatment massage on her neck and shoulders for 45
minutes. I found that she had very tight scalenes on her right side. I asked the client to focus on
the place where the pain had been, to feel the presence of the love energy that was now there,
and to feel the softness and fluidity of her neck muscles. Both the client and I felt the release in the
scalenes. The client also described a sensation of the opening of a channel of communication
between her neck and shoulder/arm which had been blocked.
      In the fourth session the client reported that the pain in her neck had returned. I decided then
to discover exactly what structures were affected and to attempt to perform psychosomatic
surgery. I brought the client into a deep trance (low theta/high delta). I gave her the resonant
suggestions that she was right where she needed to be in her healing process; that her body was
gently and gradually healing at its own pace according to its wisdom; that her body knew exactly
what was wrong and what it needed in order to heal; and that she could listen deeply to her body
and speak to her body. I directed the client to focus her attention and energy on her neck. I then
directed her to go into the joint of C-1 and the occiput. From there I slowly moved down her spine,
directing her to go into each vertebra and intervertebral disc. When she arrived at C-3 I noticed a
slight tension in her face. I asked her what she was experiencing. She replied, "There is
something wrong with this vertebra." I directed her to ask the vertebra what was wrong. It replied
that the ligaments and muscles surrounding it were too tight.
I then continued down her spine. C-4 was also experiencing pain, but C-5 was fine. The
intervertebral joint of C-3 and C-4 complained that these two vertebrae were being compressed
together too tightly. I then directed the client to use her mind and her healing energy to massage
the ligaments and muscles around C-3 and C-4. I asked the client what she was experiencing
and she replied that she saw a healing light passing back and forth and through these muscles
and ligaments. She said that she saw and felt them stretching out and giving more space to her
vertebrae. I then directed the client to ask the muscles, ligaments, and vertebrae what they
needed. They first replied that they needed vitamin E. I directed the client to see herself rubbing
vitamin E into this area. I then asked her to ask if they needed anything else. They replied that
they wanted her to start rubbing castor oil into them again. Again I directed the client to see
herself rubbing castor oil into this area. After a moment I asked her what she was experiencing.
She replied that the cramped cells were filling up with oil and nutrients; they were stretching and
expanding and reordering themselves so that the fibers were straightening out and lengthening.
She said that more space was opening up for the vertebrae and that the tension was released.
Finally I asked her to ask one more time if there was anything else that these muscles, ligaments,
and vertebrae needed. They replied that they also needed magnesium.
      After bringing the client out of trance I did bodywork on the client's chest, neck, and head for
an hour. I did deep tissue and myofascial release work on these areas. I particularly focused on
her pectoralis major, scalenes, sternocleidomastoid, trapezius, sub-occipitals, multifidi and
rotatores, and the ligamentum nuchae, especially in the region of C-3 and C-4. I felt many strong
releases. After the session the client reported that her neck felt completely relaxed and pain-free.
      With this case study I began by combining trancework and bodywork for the purpose of
deepening body awareness and connecting the client with her body and its knowledge. In the
third session I dealt with the psychological aspects of a physical ailment while the client was in
trance. Then using massage I physically dealt with the pain as well. I was intrigued to discover
that even though the client reported no pain after the trance session, while palpating her neck I
found that her right scalenes were still much more hypertonic than those on her left. It seemed to
me that the powerful base brain had removed the sensation of pain, but had not released the
scalenes from their spasm. It suddenly occurred to me that for the body to fully buy into the healing
process it would need to be addressed and be able to speak in its own language (the language of
physicality and massage), rather than just the language of the mind or even of the emotions.
Whereas emotion release may release energy from the soft tissue, thereby allowing it to become
more flexible, the affected tissues still need to be physically manipulated in order to be “told” that
they can move back to their original, stress-free state. It became evident to me that the holding
pattern must not only be broken mentally and emotionally, but physically as well.
      With this understanding I then moved into the fourth session with this client. We had already
dealt with the psychological and emotional aspects of the client’s pain, but I now wanted to focus
more specifically on the physical aspects. In trance I discovered much more about the physical
source of the problem. I discovered that whereas the right scalenes were indeed affected, the
real problem lay in the mid-cervical vertebrae and the surrounding ligaments and muscles. In
trance the client was able to massage these tissues using the power of her limbic brain. She was
also able to discover what nutrients and self-care they required in order to heal. With this new
wealth of knowledge I was able to work with more direct intention on the areas that needed
treatment. After the session the client was completely pain-free and tension-free. We had finally
gotten to the root of the problem.
The client later reported that following this last session she had been pain-free for three days,
which was the longest break in her pain-cycle since the original trauma five months previous. She
said that she had had acupuncture, shiatsu, and massage, but that none of them had helped her
neck as much as the therapy I provided. She observed that she now sees how powerful it is to
combine hypnotherapy and bodywork. She also suggested that lasting healing might even require
the two.
      My intuition is that this client’s pain cycle is now broken, but that in order for her to remain pain-
free she will need to continually reinforce this new state by making the life-style changes
recommended by her inner characters and by giving her neck the self-care that it asked for.
Healing doesn’t come easy. It requires active work on the part of the one seeking healing.
      With my third case study (a 33-year-old female) I used the combination of massage and
hypnotherapy only once, but in that session the two therapies were combined very effectively. In
the interview of the first session the client reported feeling highly anxious. I asked her where she
felt this anxiety in her body and she replied that she felt it in her neck and shoulders. In trance I
brought the client to her inner place of peace and had her meet her inner child. I then used a
somatic bridge to bring the client back to the first time she ever felt that feeling of anxiety in her
neck and shoulders. She went back to a traumatic scene in early childhood where she was being
yelled at by a teacher. I performed an inner child rescue and brought in the inner parents to clear
the dysfunctional core belief that she was bad and stupid.
After the inner child rescue, the client’s abusive ex-husband arrived on the scene; he and the adult
client began some inner plane communication work. There was much more work to be done with
him in later sessions, but this first meeting was a start. It created an opening in the client’s inner
world to prepare her for some difficult work later on. Most importantly for this session, however,
this initial contact allowed for an old physical symptom to resurface in her body in order to be
finally released.
After bringing the client out of trance I decided to do some massage work on her neck and
shoulders since she identified this area as the place where she was feeling anxiety in her body.
No sooner had I touched the superior angle of her left scapula when the client jumped in pain. She
exclaimed, "I can't believe this! When I was married to my former husband I use to get cortisone
shots in my shoulder once a week because I was in so much pain. The pain immediately went
away after I left him and I haven't felt it for two years now. But right now it has suddenly returned!" I
encouraged her that this was a good sign, that her shoulder had a very important message that it
was trying to tell her, but that she had been silencing that message with cortisone shots. I told her
that now that she was opening herself up to her inner world and to healing, her shoulder decided it
was time to send its message again in order to be finally heard and healed. I warmed the area by
simply placing my hands over it. I told the client to allow herself to feel the pain and to let it
intensify in her shoulder. I then asked her to listen to what message her shoulder might be trying
to give her. After a few moments of inward listening she replied, speaking for her shoulder, "Don't
get into any more abusive relationships. Value yourself. Don't try to be a savior anymore." I then
began gently working around her scapula and along her trapezius. I worked it until it was much
softer. This work also produced referred pain in her lower right back. I worked it until the pain
was gone. I then worked on the client's neck which experienced a significant release.
I called the client a week later and she reported that the day after our session, the pain in her
shoulder was completely gone. And now, two months later, it still is not bothering her. I feel
confident that the client heard the message that her shoulder was trying to send and, with the
acceptance of that message, the shoulder was able to let go of the pain.
This session was fascinating in that the trancework allowed the client to begin opening herself up
to the past trauma of an abusive relationship. As her mind and emotions were reawakened to this
trauma, the body also began remembering. It immediately began sending a message that it had
attempted to send for three years but which the client had repeatedly silenced with weekly
cortisone shots. Her shoulder had been screaming at her to get out of the relationship, but she
refused to listen. The pain stopped when the client finally left her ex-husband, but the pain-
message remained intact, though buried, because it had never been listened to. As the client’s
body sensed that she was opening up to her inner world and opening up to healing, it decided it
was safe to re-send the old message—to finally deliver it to an attentive receiver, and then to let it
go. Another element which surprised me was that after having received trancework, the client was
able to enter back into a trance state while receiving massage, thus combining the two in a way I
had not imagined. While I massaged the client’s scapula she was able to enter into a dialogue
with her shoulder and receive the message it was sending her. She finally heard the message
and was able to assure her body that she would never again enter into an abusive relationship.
With the message delivered and acted upon, the old pain was finally and permanently released.
With these three case studies I was able to begin the experiment of combining the two very
powerful therapies of hypnotherapy and massage in order to enhance and anchor the positive
effects of both. I found that on one level it is effective to use bodywork simply to increase body-
awareness in order to move the client more deeply and more quickly into trance. Using massage
for body-awareness also anchors the discoveries, resource states, and solutions acquired in
trance. I also came to a deeper understanding of the trance state that is induced during emotion
release and how it is possible to give suggestions to encourage the release in both the body and
the mind, and to anchor new functional core beliefs while the client is in this enhanced state.
On another level I found that it is possible in trance to pinpoint specific bodily ailments and their
physiological and psychological origins. It is also possible in trance to speak with these
psychological and physiological patterns and allow them to be transformed and released. After
having released these patterns in trance, it is then possible to physically address the holding
patterns by using massage, thereby speaking to the body in its own physical language and inviting
it to fully let go. Both I and my clients found this combination to be more effective and integrative
than merely using one therapy or the other. An ailment in the bodymind is likely to return if it is not
addressed both psychologically and physiologically. Ardagh comes to the same conclusion when
he observes that, “Alchemical Bodywork [Ardagh’s term for the combination of hypnotherapy and
massage] allows for the simultaneous reintegration of both the posture and the subconscious
mind. Here we are treating the client as an integrated whole, a body-mind-spirit, and the changes
we bring on all levels simultaneously reinforce each other." (Alchemical Bodywork: The Sacred
Marriage)
I began this experiment out of a feeling of deep personal need. While in the monastery I came to
a point in meditation where I knew I could go no further on my own and where I knew that my body
needed to be involved in a more profound way. Barnes echoes this intuition when he suggests
that:
Unfortunately a lot of meditative practices out there will tell you, ‘Don't move. Control yourself. Be
disciplined.’ They mean well; they just don't know any better. While being still has value, there is
also tremendous value in letting your body spontaneously move. We need both stillness and
movement together. We need both! Stillness is important, it's where the answers come through
to us, but we need movement to allow us to dispel frozen and scattered energy so that we can
move further into stillness! Most of us are always moving to avoid stillness because of pain and
fear. Unwinding ultimately allows you to move into deep stillness, and from that silent, still space a
sacred and healing motion begins to occur. (p. 43-44)

I was able to experience this deeper stillness and groundedness when I received myofascial
release work in class. My fascial restrictions were contacted and invited to move and release.
Simultaneously, because of the profound connection between fascia and emotions, my held
emotions were also invited to finally express themselves. It was only through my knowledge of
trancework and my ability to speak to myself in trance that I was able to allow myself to sink into
the deep emotions, to feel them, and to allow them to move out of my body. Otherwise I would
have held on even more aggressively and would have increased my emotional and fascial
restrictions.
Being encouraged by these results, I sought out professional MFR work from Glenda LaLiberte. It
was one of the most profound physical-emotional-spiritual experiences of my life. The experience
helped me even more to understand what it means to let go and allow the psychosomatic
restrictions to unwind. As Glenda skillfully followed the fascial restrictions like a trail across my
body, she gave my body the space and the option to release. In that new-found spaciousness I
realized that it was, in part, up to me to consciously allow the release to happen. She gently
pulled my fascia and after a few moments I became aware of my holding pattern. In that moment I
realized that I now had the option to let it go. Given the distinct choice, I was then able to do so. I
experienced several very strong fascial and emotional releases. As I left her office and slowly
drove down the street I felt more grounded in myself than I had in a long time. I felt at home with
myself and with the world around me. Everything seemed to be moving very slowly and I saw
clearly the vast variety of the world’s abundant beauty. I had sunk down into my body and my
senses, and thereby had entered more fully into the world. I had moved from a place of longingly
reaching toward heaven, to a place of being fully incarnated on earth. With this experience of
earthly incarnation I found that I was in fact in heaven.
I was reminded of a similar moment while living as a monk in Colorado. A deep psycho-spiritual
struggle had been mounting for several weeks. It finally burst into my body and I was laid out flat
with a terrible flu for two weeks. Trapped in my stuffy hermitage I suffered with a high fever in the
desert heat for five days. I was also plagued by nightmares. On the fifth night however, I had a
short, but healing dream. I dreamt that my prioress, Sr. Sharon, approached me with a big smile
and said, “So, are you still stuck on yourself?” I jokingly replied, “Well, you know, I try…” We both
started laughing, and then I woke myself up laughing. The fever broke and, with a good laugh at
myself, my mind and spirit cleared as well. I crawled out of bed and sat in my chair looking out
over the desert. After a wet spring the dunes were covered with brilliant sunflowers. I felt deeply
at peace in my body and mind, and I knew that I belonged in the world. The sunflowers had not
bloomed in 15 years. Neither had I felt such radiance in an equally long time.
As I reflect on this experience of being brought back into my body by a strong fever, as well as the
experience of coming into my body through MFR and trancework; and reflecting on the resulting
groundedness, vision, and joy, I am reminded of a quote by my former abbot, Fr. William. He
would often say that, “A mystic is not a special kind of person; but everyone is, or ought to be, a
special kind of mystic.” We all have the capacity to be fully alive and fully human, which, in effect,
is the capacity to be mystics and saints. The traumas that we experience become a second (and
third, and fourth…) process of labor which births us more deeply into our self and into our unique
identity and purpose. Levine writes that, “While trauma can be hell on earth, trauma resolved is a
gift of the gods…The renegotiation of trauma is an inherently mythic-poetic-heroic journey…a
journey that belongs to each of us.” (p. 12, 119) It has been a privilege to witness and experience
this heroism in myself and in my clients. To watch myself fight with all my strength and then to
finally give in to love; to watch one client beat his bed with a fury that he had not experienced since
childhood and to observe this anger transform itself into strength and freedom; to watch another
case study softly embrace her inner child and then crawl into the lap of an enormous bear, who
was her inner dad; and to watch a third client banish, and even exorcise, an abusive ex-husband:
witnessing such acts of bold emergence I’ve become aware that this world is full of heroes. Each
of us is dying to give birth to the hero inside. Our bodymind is leading us to this birthplace. Let it
lead.